The Update

Financial Red Flags in Relationships and How to Avoid Them

Money can’t buy love, but it sure can strain it. While it’s normal for couples to have different financial habits, certain behaviors are warning signs, or financial red flags, that shouldn’t be ignored. Whether you’re dating, engaged, or already sharing life together, recognizing these red flags can protect your heart and wallet.

Avoiding Money Conversations

One of the biggest red flags is a partner who refuses to talk about money. Whether it’s avoiding questions about spending, sidestepping debt discussions or becoming defensive about finances, this lack of transparency can indicate deeper issues.

What to do: Bring up finances early and often. You don’t need a full rundown of your date’s net worth, but you can discuss financial goals, budgets, debts and values.

Overspending or Chronic Impulse Buying

A partner who regularly spends beyond their means—especially without discussing it—can create instability, stress and mistrust in the relationship.

What to do: Encourage open dialogue about spending habits. Create a joint budget and include fun money for both partners. If overspending is severe, professional financial counseling might be needed.

Hiding Money or Financial Accounts

Financial infidelity—like hiding accounts, secret credit cards or loans, or stashing money without telling your partner—is a big breach of trust.

What to do: Establish financial openness as a shared value. While you don’t need to merge everything, if you’re living together and sharing expenses like room and board, both partners should know about major accounts and financial decisions.

Significant Debt Without a Plan

Debt in itself isn’t necessarily a red flag—most people carry some. The concern arises when a partner has major debt and refuses to discuss it or will not manage it. This includes student loans, credit card debt or past bankruptcies.

What to do: Ask about debt early in serious relationships. Support your partner in creating a repayment plan—but beware of shouldering their debt if they aren’t willing to take responsibility.

Controlling or Withholding Money

Financial abuse can be subtle but dangerous. If a partner controls all the money, withholds funds or uses money as a tool of manipulation, this is a serious red flag that can escalate into broader emotional or physical abuse.

What to do: Maintain your own checking account, credit score and access to money. If you suspect financial abuse, seek help from a counselor or support organization.

Frequently Borrows Money

There’s nothing wrong with running low on cash every now and then, but if your partner is always hitting up friends for spare change, there may be a larger issue at play.

What to do: Gently discuss the borrowing habit with your partner. Try to determine if they’re living beyond their means or legitimately not earning enough for their life expenses. See if you can come up with a solution together.

Incompatible Financial Values

If one of you wants to save for retirement and the other lives paycheck to paycheck, it’s not just a difference—it’s a potential future conflict. Differing money values about saving, giving, investing or spending can drive a wedge between even the most loving couples.

Why it matters: Shared values form the foundation of long-term compatibility. Without alignment, money can easily become a recurring source of tension.

What to do: Talk about financial goals and values before making major commitments. Compromise is possible, but only when both partners are honest and flexible.

How to Protect Yourself Financially

• Stay informed. Know your own credit score, assets and debts, and keep an eye on them.
• Keep some independence. Even in a shared household, it’s healthy to have individual accounts and/or spending money.
• Have “money dates”. Sit down with your partner on a regular basis to review spending, bills, goals and upcoming expenses.
• Seek counseling if needed. Financial issues can often be worked through with the help of a neutral third party.
• Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it probably is.

Use this guide to learn about financial red flags in a relationship and how to protect yourself.

Free Financial Coaching

Do you want to learn more about finances, budgeting, good credit, and more? RGCU offers free financial coaching. Our certified coaches can help better understand where you're at with your finances, and give you tips to keep you from making one of the three mistakes above.